“The Darkness before the Holiday lights”

“The Darkness before the Holiday lights”

by Derek Felix AKA D Flex

 

I sit here very quietly in my room

Pondering the brighter days of June

When it’s cold and chilly in December

Daydreaming of special days past to remember

 

Reminded of fun get togethers full of joy

When our family was close knit as a boy

I miss those days with grandma and grandpa

In the land of Coney we always saw

 

Time passes and things begin to change

You grow up and learn the hard way

Adulting isn’t all it’s cracked up to be

There’s not as much fun or free time

 

It’s constant work and paying bills

No wonder it feels so dark outside

A metaphor for the winter around the corner

When temperatures drop, snow falls and ice freezes up

 

As I start up my car, I get chills up and down my spine

Reminded of ghosts past when there was a sense of normalcy

Not the bitterness that surrounds this place

Or the impatience and rude behavior of miscreants

 

It isn’t Chanukah or Christmas around this town

At least not for me when I have no peace

That went out the window long ago

Santa bring your presents and help me see the light

 

I’m tired a lot these days from everything

My birthday came and went without much fanfare

It’s harder when your friends don’t have time for you

And the ones you really care about don’t exist

 

My wish would be to go back to a easier time

When cold Decembers mattered and warmed my heart

Presents were exchanged along with laughter and the spirit of the tree in Rockefeller Center lit up for all to see

A memorable time prior to darkness before the Holiday lights

 

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The Lost Soul

“The Lost Soul”

by Derek Felix AKA DFlex

 

It’s old, dark and gray outside

With a hint of rain drops falling from the sky

In a poetic way, there’s something to hide

Making the darkness make me question why

The morning drive is a cool dreary one

As if the other cars don’t matter

It’s not a day that will see the sun

I’m just awaiting the pitter patter

When it’s over and done

Rain will follow as the day goes on

Turning windy and cooler without fun

A violent howl of wind indicates better days are gone

Followed by a heavier rainfall into the night

That will make you stop and think

With a hidden message that nothing’s gone right

Don’t fall asleep, you might miss it if you blink

As colder air moves into this place

Reminding that winter’s coming and the end of fall

Feel the late autumn breeze hit your face

As our warm spirit ends into the lost soul

A cold day in December

Inspired by all those who have loved ones who make it hard to feel good.

“A Cold Day In December”

by Derek Felix AKA DFlex

The day starts off slowly

Nothing can be seen or heard except darkness

The sun has taken a vacation

Patches of fog lie ahead

And all I want is my bed

Instead, I get up and drive to work

With a numb feeling that won’t go away

Emotions are dead as I get into school

I prepare the best I can for today

With no appetite to speak of

By lunch after three classes, maybe I’m sick

My mood has gotten worse

Along with a upset stomach

It started at the end of Friday

When my anxiety finally kicked in

I’ve been down about something

Which has me stressed out

My birthday is Friday and I don’t care

If only someone changed, maybe I’d feel differently

And have a sunny disposition instead of a ice cold one

It doesn’t seem to matter that the weather warmed up

Or that the sun escaped the dreary clouds

That struck at the crack of dawn

As if symbolic of my inner struggle

I don’t eat because I’ve lost my desire

I’m not starving myself due to sadness

But the loss of taste and the boredom of food

I could disappear and no one would care

I miss my friends and if only they were close by

That would improve my attitude

And bring hope to a dire situation

Work shouldn’t be the most exciting part

No wonder I’ve become lonesome

Almost as if suffering from a broken heart

I miss the carefree days when it was easy

No one critiqued my every move

And they were much different

Even when I do the right thing

It seems they’re disappointed

Only pushing more negativity which makes me crash

I smile and laugh on the outside

Hiding my true feelings

I’m professional and enjoy the kids I teach

They make it easier on a cold day in December

Where it can be fifty and I still shiver

That’s my dilemma as I get ready for two more classes

I’ll put on a show for the students because it’s what they deserve

But the somber feeling will return when I get to my car

I’ll drive home and listen to the radio

Music is a good distraction to drown my sorrows

That will help me on the way home

And maybe a ride to the park and walk

All to escape my reality

In the brightest city in the world