It’s been a while since I’ve written anything that wasn’t sports related or hockey. Be that as it may, I felt compelled to write in this space about personal stuff that’s been ongoing.
I’ve worked the same job for five years. How I lasted this long I still don’t understand. All I know is working at a call center is one of the worst things you can ever do. Between the long shifts spent on the phone and the rude and disrespectful customers who have no time or patience or appreciation for anything we do, it’s tedious.
I have needed to get out of this for a while. I feel like I’m going insane. I have lost all sanity. I miss the hell out of my friends I did things with. So many people have moved on with their lives. My closest friend works from home which makes this job a lot more tolerable. I just don’t know if I’m built for it anymore.
Even when it’s not supposed to, it causes me a lot of anxiety and stress. It doesn’t matter that it’s become consistent hourly pay. Honestly, salary at this place sucks. The fun went out once education died. Commission was better because it motivated us to work harder and get leads. Ever since they transitioned to jobs, this place has gone downhill. Between the awful records and poor management, they let a lot of quality people go.
I feel stuck. And really, I shouldn’t be. I should’ve just quit and done something else. I have control of the situation. But no direction. Try telling your parents that and they’ll think why did we spend all this money for you to get a Bachelor’s Degree. I’m told what to do. Not what I want to do.
Anyone who knows me knows I am one of the nicest, most unselfish and caring guys out there. I am always looking out for other people. I will always have my friends’ backs. Just once, I can use them here. Personally, I think I belong helping others. Whether it be as a guidance counselor or someone who can assist troubled younger adults because of the crap I’ve gone through.
Anxiety and depression suck. They go hand in hand. Even when I don’t feel down, I am because I keep wondering how I let it get to this point. Next week, I turn 40. And it doesn’t even faze me. Anyone who’s seen me knows I look nothing close to my age. Let’s just say I can than my Mom and Dad for good genes. I have a baby face. So, it helps. I also am easy going around people and love conversation.
It’s just that I’m shy around certain people. Mainly women I like. I don’t know why. It’s always been hard for me. And it shouldn’t be. But I just think about my situation and wonder why anyone would want to be with me. While former classmates have raised families, I sit here at my desk and wonder where I am going. And I honestly cannot answer it.
Sometimes, I think about getting away. I hate it here. I wish I could just pack up and leave. That would make it easier. I don’t need to be told what to do. If only I didn’t owe Sallie Mae so much money. If only I had made more wise decisions. But here I am. Nothing will happen on December 8. It’ll come and go just like every holiday and birthday in our family. It doesn’t matter to me anymore. And that’s not the person I want to be. It SHOULD!
Everyone I’m friends with always tells me how cool and funny I am. That I’m nice. Maybe that’s the problem. Maybe I am too damn nice. But that isn’t changing. I could never be mean to anyone. Not unless they are to me. I always have had this motto. Treat others the way you want to be treated. It applies in life. Also, never label anyone. Don’t judge unless you have been in their shoes.
So, here we are. A late November Fall night post Thanksgiving. Thank God. My favorite holiday is now one I dislike due to all the disgusting food. When did Americans become such pigs? We really are spoiled rotten. Don’t think so? Just look at the portions we eat. I can’t do it anymore. I drink antioxidant water. At least a gallon on average. That’s the one positive thing I’ve done. I just need to cut out all the junk. Getting older sucks. Anyone who tells you different is a fool.
Unless you’re in the perfect situation, I just don’t see how getting older is exciting. Maybe for parents it is. If I had a kid, I would give my left arm for them. It’s basically what I’ve done helping out my brother. I am not gonna get into his situation. Let’s just say I’ve given everything. At what point should I start living for myself?
It’s okay to care. If we don’t have emotions, we’d be hopeless. I have them. I smile. I laugh. I cry. Well, not really. Unless you count inside. Sometimes, we have to let it out. Be truthful. Be brave.
That’s what I’m doing here. I am being truthful to myself. And to anyone who loves or appreciates me. I hope I find the right path and plan the next decade of my life much better than my 30’s. I know I can live with myself because I am focused on getting the job done.
Until next time these three words appropriately from my hero Jimi Hendrix at Woodstock. He would’ve turned 74 yesterday.
Hard Hits is my internet show that can be heard on the airwaves of BlogTalkRadio. Originally started in February 2007, the Hard Hits Network has been around for nine years in some format or another. A sports themed show that also mixes in the current events and music from time to time, it’s our way to express ourselves.
On Sunday, we did two live broadcasts. Each was 30 minutes live with 15 minutes of overtime. Until we go back to Premium, it’ll be a shorter format. Once we do renew for Premium, longer shows shall return. Featuring John “JPG” Giagnorio, Colin Cannaday, Rob “Retirement” Davis, Brian David Sanborn, Justin “JNF” Felix and hosted by yours truly, Derek “Flex” Felix, it’s always entertaining back and forth banter. No matter what the topic, it is “hard hitting.”
In Part 1 of a two show special edition, the guest of honor JPG showed up to discuss his relocation to Las Vegas. Naturally, he stopped in Chicago for hometown before completing the trip with his Cubs primed for a big October run. Derek predictably figured out what John ordered for dinner. Plus more interesting discussion from the statmastah who joined Derek and Colin for both college football, NFL and baseball wildcard predictions.
Who will win? The Orioles or Blue Jays. The winner gets the Texas Rangers. The other AL Division series is set between two evenly matched teams with the Indians hosting the Red Sox in Big Papi’s final year. Can Cleveland overcome Boston’s lethal lineup?
Meanwhile, the Giants are back in in another even year. Can they make another improbable run? They’ll visit the Mets Wednesday with a great match-up between Madison Bumgarner and Noah Syndergaard. Find out who Colin and John like. Also why Derek went against his original prediction. The winner takes on JPG’s Cubs.
In the other NL Division match-up, it features two of the game’s best pitchers with the Nats’ Max Scherzer taking on the Dodgers’ Clayton Kershaw. It shapes up to be a great series. For more breakdown on this series, tune into Part 2 where Derek, Colin and John made their predictions.
Among the topics covered were two unbelievable college football games including the hail mary which allowed Tennessee to stun Georgia. Plus a pro style classic with Clemson and Louisville going toe to toe with Heisman quarterbacks Deshaun Watson and Lamar Jackson putting on a show.
NFL Week 4 highlights are discussed with Colin pretty pumped about his Falcons led by record performances from Matt Ryan and Julio Jones in a dismantling of the suddenly struggling Panthers. Plus why Derek feels sorry for Phil Rivers following the Chargers’ latest collapse. The Bills pull off a shocker in New England. They’re back.
Derek also makes a prediction into the future on baseball.
Back in the winter of this year following the Broncos winning the Super Bowl by dominating the Panthers to send NFL legend Peyton Manning riding off into the sunset, I Derek “Flex” Felix hosted a show on Hard Hits Network discussing the big game with co-host John “JPG” Giagnorio.
It was during that episode that a relentless caller kept calling in as “Peyton Manning.” Naturally, I being the amused host played along with Giagnorio by interviewing Peyton. And what an interview it was. The stuff of college pranks gone bad. Little did we know it actually was some personality from the Howard Stern Show.
I only found out thanks to New Jersey buddy Tim Daddio, who linked up the TMZ story from hell. Peyton Pranks Idiot Sports Hosts. Or whatever they called it. All this time later, the idea that we actually were played by the actual Howard Stern for a mock interview with classic off color remarks that can’t be repeated in this blog is still hard to fathom.
So, what was our response? An entertaining one nonetheless. Who would’ve ever predicted that they would come to a “third rate” podcast on BlogTalkRadio for RATINGS?!?!?!?!?! Here it is in entirety with shits and giggles. 😉